Desires wither the heart.

I just want to be in the wilderness, travel alone and explore the world, other cultures, myself. I know I've run enough. but I crave this. I need it. I need to feel alive again. I want that feeling of wander. That baby-like state. I didn't need anyone to make me happy and now I am starting to feel lonely again. It's time for a new journey, I've grown so much and had to deal with a lot of pain and trouble. I want to feel my age, I just want to run wild and not know what the fuck i am doing and where I am going.

I think i am clutching on to anyone who will go with me. Mostly guys I like. they all say yes, but none of them want to do. "Just dive in with me", i want to say, "just trust me", "I know it will be a lot of fun but remember this trip isn't just that, there will be challenges and who we are will be tested, it's a journey and I am inviting you to come with me. grow with me." maybe that would convince them. If only i was that honest. I wish I could just be completely honest to you, all of you and tell you exactly how i felt. I dont think you can handle the truth and I am afraid If you all knew you'd all hate me, or think I am pathetic, impatient, it's fine.

I also ask because I secretly think that maybe you'd end up falling in love with me.

too bad it's the guys that I am not that into end up being the only ones loving me.

I am not special, you dont know me, you dont know what i think, we have nothing in common, if you only knew. I am boring, unattractive, i am completely lost.

lost
lost
lost
lost.