cause nobody loves you.

life has reached a stand still once again.
unaware of what I want to do next, I am feeling a bit lost.

should i take another 2 classes now and move to NYC in January.
all i keep thinking about is if i try to move before the end of this year, is holidays.
It would make holidays a lot harder, cause what goes on during the end of the year?
Everything! and New years eve in NYC , WOW is all i can say. and flights are going to be much more expensive.

But my limit is going to be January. no later then moving in January I don't want next year to begin like this year.
I really don't remember if I did anything until the month of march! how sad.

Another thing that is sad or not really, but
i realized today and accepted the fact that I am always going to be a loner.
Yea I do gain a few close friends once in a while, and it almost comes close to me having an actual "best friend" until i fuck up and do something or just break contact, for me it's just really hard to keep great friends when we both get busy doing things, or move away.

I have never been the type to keep in touch, once in a while on nights like these I text or message or even call someone, but it's really rare for me.
and i know i've mentioned this before in this blog but oh well.
I feel like I should type it out, to remind/ask myself if I always want to be like this.

now What i had predicted a month ago when "my shit was banging" aka I was talking to a few guys, I told my friend

Mnislahi. says: (10:18:12 AM)but i am thinking i prob. wont get any&go back to being lonely
YOUSEF says: (10:20:12 AM)i think i will just end up squandering my chances too.
7/13/08

le sigh, I hate it when my predictions are right.