Guys also want me to take care of myself, i understand it's cause they care. But I just can't help feeling that it's a control or power thing for guys.
Why do I feel the need to mess up in front of a guy and show my semi-vulnerable side? Why do I like to play the damsel in distress every once and a while?
Is it cause I crave attention and purposely get messed up or feel sad so a guy can come and comfort me.
Uhh sometimes I look back and think, "what a pathetic attempt to make a guy fall for you more Mel."
I need to stop doing it.
I does nothing for my future, and does not push me forward towards a better me.
It doesnt even inpress the guy, but it does make me feel taken care of.
One thing that I secretly desire is to feel taken care of and to finally find someone who truly understands me, Lover or not.
But I am almost sure that it would take years to find and I am tired of searching.
Instead of seraching I think I am going to take control of my life once again.
I have focused to much time in moping how lonely I feel and how I want to love, that will come in time. What I can do now is make myself a better person.
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