TILT!

Raw food-I am surprised at myself turning vegetarian! I never thought it was possible. I constantly would say how I would Neverrrr be able to become vegetarian, i loved meat so much. It's possible. I don't even miss meat anymore, at all. However this Raw food isn't as simple as turning vegetarian, so many obstacles.

 To begin with there is no one I know that is true vegetarian or even vegan!  

most of my friends hardly even eat greens.

I believe going out will be my largest challenge.

 I'll be reduced to salads or.. salads!

 Not to mention my parents who are annoyed at the fact I don't even eat meat anymore. 

I decided not to even tell them I am becoming a Raw foodist, they hardly noticed me becoming vegetarian until I told them.

I want a change though.

Mentally

Physically

and

Spiritually

I also believe that eating Raw helps the environment.

I won't be contributing to the waste of fuel used to import and transport products.

although nuts and some items are imported. :/ I am hoping it is far less then meat products being imported. Actually I was planning to go to local farmer markets to gather produce and make my own nut milks and butters. 

Instead of buying my own dehydrator I'll be making a solar/DIY dehydrator since summer/spring is coming up and I do live in south florida!

Raw journey is a GO!

Kick ass girls- I really admire those chicks that just have the bad ass look. Some girls just look cool all the time, they have a natural chic thing going on. I want that ><>

monochromatic- As I mentioned in a previous post I have been inspired by the monochromatic look. right now I am loving gray, black, white, basically neutrals shades and just either going all monochromatic or semi by showcasing particualer colors :crossing fingers: hope I can pull this off!

Photography- I am going to be renewing my passion for photography and be taking more photographs and spending some time in the darkroom. Yay!

Korean cinema- How is it possible that every korean film looks amazing? The cinematography is impeccable! The editing effects are almost always justified as well. Maybe it's my love for Park Chan wook and how he originally wanted to major in aesthetics, But i am falling in love with korean cinema.
I must study in korea for film!
I must!

confession no.1

Sometimes I joke and say "oh, let's kill ourselves!" or things like "I hate life"
But i am actually really grateful for everything I have and love the fact that life is complicated and stupid.
And
The reason why i joke and say really dumb things is cause i am afraid people don't care about what I really have to say.
Or even worse, won't understand.

if I stopped just for a while.

k i am gonna be making time for photography now and making prints of photographs I took before.
a day for photographing and movie watching!
Ohh yes It's gonna be delisious
ONE day for mio!

might change depending on plans with people or something.

Fixed my scheadule for next semester so I can work in having a JOB.
yup yup.

I am gonna have to be a sheep.

and Raw foodism is almost a GO!
slowly. But it's gonna happen.

just as soon as I stop missing rice and bread. YUM!

I already don't miss meat, why miss meat when you have carrots and rice!
seriously.

but I shouldn't eat tooo much carrots!
I don't wanna get orange O_O *gasp*


more photographs.
More learning.
MOre reading.
MOre fashion remake.
More health.
MOre language learning.
MOre me.


maybe once I stop looking for happiness and get on with the rest of my life.
It'll come to me?

Alt style

I Have been trying to develop my style for a while now as I develop into a new me.
Not really a "new" me but into the person I am, really.

My mother among other people are confused with my "sudden" change to vegetarian but it's really a step closer to me to raw foodism, which is what I am really aiming for.

My mother and father swear that it's because one of my friend's is vegetarian, Because I must be copying someone.
or they think It's just a fad and will die out.
maybe. maybe not. but for now that's how it is.

an article in The Sartorialist explains exactly what is happening, minus the new city part.
After One Year In New York - Kara
But I believe if I did move to a new city that is exactly what will happen.
And I want it to!

Well to the fashion inspiration!
Other then monochrome I would like to infuse both the the Kawaii and the Tomboyish side of me.

Mono style.

The other day this article by bits and bobbins totally inspired me. :D
If i were to pick just One color to wear, I think I'd be gray or white,
but I am entirely too messy to pull off all white!

AHH I just love monochromatic anything.
It's so simple and clean.

Beccaria agrees with me.

I also love the effortlessly chic monochromatic outfits look. :D
No worries about mixing colors.
just shades and saturations!







I am thinking of doing a semi-monochromatic style myself.

Avant-garde

Avant-garde

http://www.ubu.com/film/

sea of love

This morning was painful. very painful, i just felt like everything was crushing me and I had lost control of my life. I had thought this had been going just okay apparently Things have going worse. 

I had forgotten what I had wanted to do in my life. 

Forgotten or just pushed aside all responsibilities. Like in the last post, I had been living in my own world and I forgot about the other people in it. 

It's horrible to let myself go like that. I need to take care of myself, instead of stupidly "handicapping" myself to gain feelings of sympathy or attention.

What I loved though was sitting in the middle of my bed in my undies with my sheets over my head, Completely engulfed. Although I was saying out loud all my bad feelings and realizing the patterns in my life that I seem to slip back into, I didn't feel terribly bad. It was a good moment, maybe It was because I feel like a kid again.

Well i went to school, wrote my paper about aesthetics, Dada and Classicism to be specific, but that wasn't the best part of the night.

The Best part of the night is that I remembered how kind people can be.

It's as if I had been living under a rock for the past month. I felt so disconnected to everyone, even friends and family, but today I felt as if everyone was my friend.

yea It may sound hippies but frankly I am a modern day hippie with my one with the universe ideas, but seriously I felt one with the universe. ahhah

It's as if everyone was eager to answer and I was eager to help others.

There was no awkward silence or staring it's like everyone was comfortable with talking to one another. I first I thought when did people get so nice.

That wasn't it at all today people were just comfortable with one another that none of us had a problem talking to another.

That's why I say now that I feel like I forgot there were other people in the world.

and I forgot about my pathway to a raw life style!

I have just been doing the vegetarian thing.

Because.

The power of music is unbelievable. 

freedom.

Wow. I thought I was stronger then this.

I guess I deny deny deny to much.

 I get wrapped up in this made-up world of mine. 

A world were people think i am beautiful.

A world were people like me for who I am.

A world were every guy is awesome and nice.

A world were that guy likes me and we are gonna be together.

A world were I'll move out and live an amazing life traveling to exotic locations.

It's just a world of fantasy, and whenever reality hits me once again I feel lost.

ahh..

I seriously think I am depressed.

I am tired of living under a place where I have rules, authority. ahhh

I feel like a hippy!

But yea I wanna be free.

I think I need to travel around see what's out there. 

I want to actaully live!

my sister lived when she moved to Ohio. she actaully got to experience something new.

I love my parents and being latina.

But I hate the old school ideals. 

Its not me.

so I suppress i guess thats why I am like how I am.

sometimes I think i am to crazy for anyone to understand.

Sometimes my good friends dont even understand me.

its fustrating.

But i am used to it.

Story of my life.

fucking full of let downs that now I am used to it.

well I don't feel anything anymore.

I am not really this sad when I am not alone.

it's only when I go back to reality.

well I'd like to live in my own world, forever :D

Love.

why do guys always feel the need to talk care of me?

Guys also want me to take care of myself, i understand it's cause they care. But I just can't help feeling that it's a control or power thing for guys.

Why do I feel the need to mess up in front of a guy and show my semi-vulnerable side? Why do I like to play the damsel in distress every once and a while?

Is it cause I crave attention and purposely get messed up or feel sad so a guy can come and comfort me.

Uhh sometimes I look back and think, "what a pathetic attempt to make a guy fall for you more Mel."

I need to stop doing it.

I does nothing for my future, and does not push me forward towards a better me.

It doesnt even inpress the guy, but it does make me feel taken care of.

One thing that I secretly desire is to feel taken care of and to finally find someone who truly understands me, Lover or not.

But I am almost sure that it would take years to find and I am tired of searching.

Instead of seraching I think I am  going to take control of my life once again. 

I have focused to much time in moping how lonely I feel and how I want to love, that will come in time. What I can do now is make myself a better person.

Gala's 10 Rules for everyone

Gala’s 10 Rules For Everyone

1. Accept yourself. Now. As you are. In all your wonderful imperfection, with all your delicious flaws, regardless of past failure or pain. Stop delaying approval of yourself. You will not be a better (or worse) person when you’ve made your first million, or when you have legions of screaming fans, or when you have a baby. Love yourself now. Forgive yourself now.

2. Take care of yourself — whatever that means to you. From buying a pet to going for long walks with your best friends; from getting a weekly manicure to leaving your abusive partner. You deserve it — & you deserve to feel good.

3. Assert your sexuality. You don’t just choose an orientation & that’s the end of it. Things change! Go with your whims! Buy toys, read manuals, learn tantra, do whatever you want to do. It will keep you youthful, as well as making life more fun.

4. Put the same effort into developing your personal style as most other people put into following trends. In a few years time, when you have a wardrobe full of incredible coats, beautiful shoes & mind-boggling jewellery — & everyone else only has “basics” & recent trends to work from — you will thank me!

5. Develop a strong enough sense of self that you are truly living your own life. Have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, even when your spouse/parents/friends are telling you to go in the opposite direction. At the same time, stay fluid, stay open, or you’ll stagnate. Keep pushing, keep questioning. We stop growing as people when we stop asking questions.

6. Be good to people. Take the moral high-ground. Resist the urge to “get revenge”. Avoid gossip. “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, & you help them to become what they are capable of becoming.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.)

7. Take risks. Change your hairstyle, date someone younger, buy a fabulous sports car, move to Paris, open a bakery, make new friends! Take responsibility for your life, your circumstances, your choices. It is not anyone else’s fault.

8. Shirk that boring obligation to wear ‘appropriate’ clothing. Everyone looks better when they feel good in what they have on their back. Wear a ballgown to the supermarket & a suit to the baseball if it makes you happy!

9. Learn from the best. Take makeup lessons, see a personal stylist, ask your hairdresser the best way to blowdry your hair & watch your manicurist carefully. Even if you don’t do these things professionally, there is no reason why you shouldn’t benefit from their experience.

10. Smile. Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate your life.

Awesome.

Now I think I am bipolar.

I feel happy and smiley at one moment then the next.
BAM depression


I want to cut off everything , internet, cellphone, TV and leave the country.

change my hair.

the way I eat.

and let everything flow out of me natrally .
without any outside interference.

mmm I wonder what would happen

"would I finally find myself?" "Am I always gonna Feel lonely"


Other news.

i like to listen to sappy music when I feel bad.
I like listening to sappy music when I am really really happy too :D

I am jealous of those cute AZns with awesome hair.

lame.

I think I am clinically depressed.
mm oh well
I feel this way constantly so I am used to dealing with it.
But sometimes I feel engulfed by it.
"where am I?" "Why cant I feel?"

Others are engulfed in there art, music, money, job, passion, lover.
I am engulfed by depression and loneliness.

Although I have friends, family, and health.
Although I have a good life, It hardly feels like it sometimes.


other news.

I need more sleep.

I wish I wasnt so shy, then I might be happier.

I thought that I didnt hesitate to do things, but sometimes I guess I do.

Jim Jarmusch

For the LAWLS

http://youtube.com/watch?v=K8IJpDGRa5o&feature=related

YOUSEF

_________________________________________________

Gozu

Holy Mountain and El Topo by Jordowosky

Youtube.com

This totally made my day.
LOLZ








Miss Cleo










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I got to see

Vertigo


Citizen kane

Cannibal_Holocaust

I am in class right now and my teacher mentioned this movie as being the scareyest movie.
So I youtubed it.







The movie has real animal crueilty.
D:

Where is my mind?

My family always seems worried about me.

ever since I was younger they always thought that I was weird.

What I would make.

What I would do.

What I would like.

I never thought any of that stuff as weird.

I still don't understand why they are so concerned.

They only see the normal things anyway.

I think if people knew what I was thinking most of the time and most of the things I like, and even do. 

I think they would question who they think I am.

But I am still ME.

hmmm I just think that if my family thinks some of regular interest are weird and the things they know I do as weird.

They wont even really understand the rest of me.

I don't think i'll find someone who would understand me.

I don't even think I'll find someone who will accept all of me.

I doubt I will even revel that much anyway.

forget that I wont be soo melodramatic.

I might find someone. 

BUt I doubt they will take what I say seriously.

yea.

the only time I can revel a bit of myself without feeling vulnerable is when I am sarcastic.

even when I am not, people think I am joking, when I am not really.

But then people think i have a sense of humor.

I found this one guy on youtube/stickam that I think reminds me of me a bit.

or what I really want to say.

I bet people just think he is babbling idiot. or high off of something.

I know I am not.

so does that make ME a babbling idiot.

This is why I enjoy my own company, cause even though I think I am crazy sometimes.

I still accept what I am .

What I like .

and What I do. 

I don't need anyone to understand me anyway.

When I have myself. 

:D

Vivre sa vie

Gates of Hell

Satan's by the corner.

well I think I gave into to much temptation today..

Not only did i give into vengeance.  I did blasphemy on my diet.

and in the morning I paid for it.

I can't go back to eating that shit again.

Ohh well we all have THOSE days.

Well I WAS feeling a bit good today.

Didn't really have class today and now I have some time to rewrite the essay and  completely change it.

and I did feel kinda good about the vengence. and a few videos that made my day.

But after all this fun , messing with people and stuff.

I still feel bad and lonely. 

hmmmmm.

I am beginning to enjoy being by myself again, which is good

and I am keeping in touch with awesome friends :D

a few things that made my day:

This video Tom showed me.

he said it was sooo me. 

and he was right.

When people know what really is "ME"

Awesome.

Chinese New Year, which is today :D

and this quote>>

Surrealism appears to me In its essentials as a sort of rage, a rage against the existing state of things.

GEORGES BATAILLE

Yup, I feel like that kinda represents me.

AZN obsession?

Hello there again.

Today was a bit productive. not really. actually I just went to the gym.

but other then that I did try to spruce up my room a bit.

I will be starting fresh thus my "deleting" of all things n my room.

I am gonna try to be diplomatic about my things now, just keeping the things I really need and to waste with everything else.

mmm there are couple of shoes I do need to get rid of. and clothing.

ahh but i need to work on my aesthetic as well. before I do away with whole wardrobe.

I have been talking to my friend online via email more often now, it's pretty awesome to have at least ONE person that I actually don't mind keeping in contact with. hmmm 

well with Andy it was kinda like that, but then I got a bit annoyed.

Or it could be the fact that I am going to JAPAN with him!

and he actually DOES get things done without hesitating.

which I should do more often.

[deleting "worldly" possessions]

I am trying to DO more then just PLAN

which is working surely but oh so slowly.

I also did make my credit card payment! yay not soo stressed with that.

but I DO need to buy some Park Chan-Wook films which I was just bargain hunting for.

when I was searching for the vengeance trilogy at it's best price and right region area I stumbled upon an interview with Park Chan-Wook himself before he wrote the script for Sympathy for Lady Vengeance and It was quite inspiring.

what really was inspiring was his response to what was the biggest factor that made him a director and influences.

well yea I think I am going to be doing a personal study and look at as much Korean, Japanese, Chinese and film made in Hong Kong.

no doubt will I continue with my french love affair.

and... Chinese New Year is coming up and coincidentally I have been cleaning up my life and room. 

deleting all old negative energy and bringing in new positive energy to my new year and new life.

things are okay again :D

New.

I love you new blog :D

well i loved my old blog I am tried of my old email so yea.

Life is treating me okay.

but I am feeling that i am taking to much care into how I look and how i feel that i am lacking in school and productiveness again.

Its just a bit hard to balance everything.

man I don't even have a job or a boyfriend anymore.

One thing is for sure i am online more now, staying up late more then ever, and taking care of myself a it more.

Now if I could just make a dentist appointment and go to gym.

The start of this new blog is the start of this new life!

I keep telling myself , "I'll do better next week"

Tomorrow its gym, dentist appointment, english HW [way over due.] and umm room.

also I will be writing in this lovely blog every night :D

mmmm reading before i slumber and I will also participating in 52 weeks and 356 days project.

Now will i be able to keep up?

Well I BETTER!

for now byee byeee baby blog.

you will grow into a lovely lola :D

Absolutely perfect and unaffected by the outside world.

also gonna be making a few confessions here and there. 

Not like I haven't done so before.